lake lanier

wednesday- august 6th, 2008

i never have time to myself anymore, much less time to blog. having a two year old and newborn is exhausting! most days my body feels like a big pile of jello! we staying at the lake this week in my husbands camper so i actually have to relax! although i have to admit trying to cook dinner in a fifth wheel camper with two crying kids right up under you is not fun! we going out to eat tonight so i don’t beat myself senseless!

i’m reading this book right now during my “free” time called “skinny bitch”, it’s absolutely fascinating! the book is written by two vegans and i must say if you had told me before reading this book that i would one day agree to stop eating meat, and avoid dairy whenever possible i would have said you were crazy!!! i don’t know why i’m surprised that the federal government doesn’t give two shits about my health. everyone should look into what happens to the animals you eat on a regular basis and the stress it puts on your body! animals pumped full of antibiotics and growth hormones=serious health issues!

thursday-august 7th, 2008

the baby slept 6 hours and 45 mins straight last night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i had a hard time falling back asleep after i feed her because i was really awake from so much sleep! i’m happy as a lark!

friday-august 8th, 2008

the baby did not sleep at all last night!!!! it wasn’t that bad but i was extremely disappointed that she didn’t keep with the sleeping long stretches!

my mom worked me out today on her palates machine (she’s a personal trainer) and then i had my first tofu taco and it was amazing!!!! i actually enjoyed it more than chicken which i usually get! it was such a relief to finally eat something that i enjoy and that filled me up! i’m been starving since i went on this no meat diet!

diary is just as fattening and bad for you as non-organic/not all natural meat but way harder to avoid in public, and since we’re staying in the camper and eating out a lot i’m not pushing it with the dairy. except when it comes to taylor-marie who is lactose and tolerate.

saturday-august 9th, 2008

stop eating meat and you will poop like a well oiled machine! it’s crazy how much i go now! but it’s like, “wow, i feel healthier and cleaner than ever!” the only annoying thing about this process is my husband who thinks i’m crazy. he is usually my number one supporter even when he thinks i’m going a little overboard with something but with no meat thing he said your on you own! i’m still eating fish once a week (because i’m breast-feeding it’s not recommend that you eat a lot of fish due to mercury contents). he does agree that they use to many hormones to grow chickens! they grow a chicken from hatchling to full grown on it’s way to the slaughter house in six weeks!!!!!! that is not normal nor can it be healthy to eat.

we’re taking the girl to the water park today and i am not excited about the idea of being in a bathing-suit six weeks after giving birth and eighteen pound over my pre-pregnancy weight! i bought a one piece at target last night. i’ve never worn a one piece in my life! and i can decide if i want to keep it and wear it or just wear a two piece with my cover up all day. i’m thinking the cover up is just going to get annoying so i might as well suck it up with the one piece.

ohhhhhhhhhhhh we went to the mall of ga last night after an AMAZING dinner at bonefish grill (i love that place), then me and my huband both got new nikes. he got these tight golf shoes, and i got this awesome pair red trainer shoes. they are extremely comfortable, but annoying in the sense that now all my exercise clothes are going to the have to be red, black, or white because i can’t stand to not match if i’m going to be wear working out clothes in public! and why would i be wear work out clothes in public? because with a breast-feeding baby there is no time to think about taking a shower and changing clothes after you work out! the plan in to work out at least five days a week until i’m back at the weight i want to be. but i don’t want to just be skinny i want to be toned. seriously i can not stand the way my body looks right not, and yet i just keep eating whatever i want! it will be nice once the weight is gone and i’m exercising and i can eat whatever i want! i’ve got to make me some fun workout play list! i’m thinking i’ll be stealing my dad’s nano that i have him for christmas like 2 years ago to wear when i’m walking. i wish we lived closer to a track where i could push the girls in the stroller. the neighborhood across the street from us creeps me out!

we’re in the process of putting our house on the market. we’re taking it slow because my wonderful mother-in-law is living with us right now but found herself a house to rent right down the road. i’m going to miss her because she keeps the dishes washed, house picked up, and laundry done for me! it’s been so nice with the new baby not to have to worry about that stuff! we want to move to the next county over where we can send our girls to public school and not feel like we’re sending them off to be educated in the world of sex, drugs, and gangs. some people think i’m being crazy but i’m not. i want to be the one to teach my girls about those things, not their peers.

"you have to give her a tata"

last night my sister was over for dinner. i was in the kitchen making cookies (with the mixer) and had put ryleigh (my month old daughter) in her bed for a nap. after a little while taylor-marie decided that corey needed to take her upstairs to play. when the girls got upstairs ryleigh woke up and began to cry so corey went in and picked her up. while she was getting the baby corey began to explain to taylor-marie that the baby was crying to which taylor-marie replied, "you have to give her a tata" and pointed to her boobs. corey said, "that's your momma's job."

i dont trust myself (with loving you)

No, I’m not the man I used to be lately
See, you met me at an interesting time
And if my past is any sign of your future
You should be warned before I let you inside
Hold on to whatever you find, baby
Hold on to whatever will get you through
Hold on to whatever you find, baby
I don’t trust myself with loving you
I will beg my way into your garden
And then I’ll break my way out when it rains
Just to get back to the place where I started
So I can want you back all over again
(I don’t really understand)
Hold on to whatever you find, baby
Hold on to whatever will get you through
Hold on to whatever you find, baby
I don’t trust myself with loving you
Who do you love?
Girl I see through your love
Who do you love?
Me or the thought of me?
Hold on to whatever you find, baby
Hold on to whatever will get you through
Hold on to whatever you find, baby
I don’t trust myself with loving you

my soul is torn.


reflections on time gone by

"Up to a point a man's life is shaped by environment, heredity, and the movements and changes in the world around him. Then there comes a time when it lies within his grasp to shape the clay of his life into the sort of thing he wishes to be. Only the weak blame parents, their race, their times, lack of good fortune, or the quirks of fate. Everyone has it within his power to say, 'This I am today; that I will be tomorrow.' The wish, however, must be implemented by deeds."
-Louis L'Amour

when i was 18 years old i was full of reckless abandon. no one could tell me anything because i knew it all, and my way was best. looking back now i was extremely ignorant in the ways of life and the world. i attended college in tenn. for one year where i discovered everything i loved and loathed about myself. after returning home to ga i fell in love with & married the man that is truly my best friend, worst enemy, ally in all things good & bad, father to my children, provider to my family, sounding board, critic, life coach & lover.

when i was about six months pregnant with my daughter i suddenly realized i was about to be responsible for another human being. it became clear to me that it was now my God appointed task to raise this child in way of the Lord. He had chosen me out of all the women in the world to have this particular little girl. and there i was much calmer than i had been two years before, but still hanging onto that old selfish ignorance that plagued my teenage years bearing my soul before God and begging for the strength it would take to get through the rest of my life as a mother.

my daughter arrived and suddenly everything i thought i knew about life, love, selflessness & family changed. i had a new respect, understanding, and also misunderstanding of not only my mother but all mothers. all my being could not contain the love & attachment i felt for this 7lb 2oz baby. i was suddenly complete, and i wasn't even aware that i had been lacking.

when my daughter was only three months old i started my own photography business, which i believe to be a majority of the reason i feel so fulfilled with my life as a stay at home mom.

i will be 23 on saturday. yes, that is a very young age in comparison to the average expected life span, but in my short twenty three years i feel that i have accomplished much.

there are many things that i've done that i would rather forget, but would never change. every moment & choice (good or bad) has lead me to the most prefect moment i'm living in now. all the dirty sins of my past have been covered in the blood of jesus and washed away, and still God has used all those things that He tried to protect me from to weave the beautiful life i have now. i'm amazed every day at where i'm at. if someone had come to me when i was 18 and said by the time you are 23 years old you will be the mother of two children, owner of a successful photography company & working on your fourth year of marriage i would have laughed at them; but now that i'm here in that place i am so grateful to God & my family (who may have lost hope for a while) for never giving up on me, and i would like to believe as i grow another year older saturday and we celebrate my life that they are all very proud of the woman, wife & mother i've become.

sugar & spice & everything nice

Pregnant women! They had that weird frisson, an aura of magic that combined awkwardly with an earthy sense of duty. Mundane, because they were nothing unique on the suburban streets; ethereal because their attention was ever somewhere else. Whatever you said was trivial. And they had that preciousness which they imposed wherever they went, compelling attention, constantly reminding you that they carried the future inside, its contours already drawn, but veiled, private, an inner secret.
-- Ruth Morgan

the baby is starting to move all the time! especially when i lay on my side. she hates it! i'm so excited about her arrival, even though it's months away still. i love this part of the pregnancy process. minus the fact that all i want to eat is sugar!!!!

i'm laying in my bed listening to the cars on the highway and the rain. my daughter is singing a song of her own composing and dancing around in circles. she is the light of my life, shining brighter every day. i know she is going to make the most amazing big sister. i told my husband i wanted to have two more girls, for a total of four and he said "i don't think so!" it would be hard work but so rewarding. if i knew the next time we would have twins i would so go for it! there was a mom of five in target yesterday and i marveled at how together she had it! i've always wanted a big family, but i never want to resent my children either and i worry if i have to many at some point down the road i will lose myself and be bitter.

this pregnancy is so different from round one! i think i'm able to appreciate it it more because i know whats coming down the line. all the love i'm going to feel when i get to hold her, and watch her grow into a bubbly little girl. i love being a mother so much i'm just ready to get past the tiredness!!! i think when the little one is about four i'll finally feel like to get exhale. only four years and three months to go!

i love my life

"you know your in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."